Britta (balcarin) wrote,
  • Mood: amused
  • Music: Metric - Glass Ceiling

welurklate: I like how we turned Edward into a 40 year old mother on a bad day.

So last night dudski was all "I greatly enjoy the implication that for decades on end, all of the Cullens spent their nights having crazy sex while Edward sat around and studied and kept on being a virgin who never whacked off." which set Kendra and I off on a flurry of semi-roleplaying wherein Edward Cullen became a pissed off 40 year old housewife. COME ON IT IS CANONICAL: HE HIMSELF SAID HE PICKED UP A LOT OF HOBBIES WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS BUSY FUCKING.

welurklate: IT IS SO TRUE
welurklate: LIKE WILD SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE AND EDWARD IS....READING
balcarin: EDWARD IS SUCH A FUCKING PRUDE
balcarin: LOL CAN YOU IMAGINE HE'D BE LIKE "EMMETT CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN I AM READING PROUST!!!!" ALL OUTRAGED AND SHIT AND EMMETT WOULD BE LOUDER ON PURPOSE TO PISS EDWARD OFF AND EDWARD WOULD LIKE START LATIN RECITATIONS OR SOMETHING
welurklate: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!!!
welurklate: reading like flowers for alegeron all pissed off while rose and emmett are breaking houses

balcarin: rosalie would totally be extra loud to annoy edward too
balcarin: esp if he was doing something delicate like building a boat in a bottle
welurklate: YOU KNOW HE HAS
balcarin: FUCK YOU ROSALIE THIS WAS THE FIFTH TIME
balcarin: and then he'd sulk around the house
balcarin: muttering darkly about his boat
welurklate: LISTENING TO CAT STEVENS AND SHIT
welurklate: all moodly for the next week
balcarin: LOL OR HE'D GO TO HIS ROOM AND BLARE ELIOT SMITH AND BRIGHT EYES AND SHIT
balcarin: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MEEE HE WOULD SEETHE AS HE PRESSED HIS WILDFLOWERS

balcarin: i bet he went through a phase where he knitted shit
balcarin: to keep from strangling emmett
balcarin: everyone got a lumpy pullover for xmas that year
welurklate: ESME GOT SOMETHING WITH A CAT ON IT
balcarin: EMMETT'S HAD NO NECK HOLE AND EMMETT TRIED TO PUT IT ON ANYWAY AND STRUGGLED AROUND A LOT UNTIL HE JUST RIPPED HIS HEAD THROUGH
welurklate: he'd like mutter to himself about being 'content with yourself' and shit while knitting
balcarin: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
welurklate: EMMETT, I WORKED HARD ON THAT, JEEZ!!!
balcarin: AND ESME WOULD COME BY AND STROKE HIS HAIR AND KISS HIS FOREHEAD
balcarin: AND PRAISE HIS UGLY KNITTING
welurklate: She'd wear hers around the house for the next few weeks
balcarin: Alice would be scandalized and "lose" hers
balcarin: and suggest edward pick up scrapbooking or something

welurklate: CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM SCRAPBOOKING?
balcarin: YEAH I CAN
balcarin: ALL SPREAD OUT ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR
balcarin: SUPER INTENSE
welurklate: ~HUNTING TRIPS~
balcarin: CUTTING OUT SNOW ANGELS AND SHIT
balcarin: GOING TO GET STICKERS THAT MATCHED
welurklate: WHERE ARE MAH STICKERS!!!!!
balcarin: EMMETT WOULD STEAL THEM
balcarin: "LOOK AT THIS SHIT IT'S A BATHTUB STICKER? WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THAT?"
welurklate: jasper too when he's bored
balcarin: they would stick them places to annoy edward
balcarin: like on his clothes before esme washed them
welurklate: edward would get super pissy too
welurklate: I DON'T MAKE FUN OF YOUR HOBBIES!!!
balcarin: THOSE WERE MY FAVOURITE KHAKIS
balcarin: I PAID $4.50 FOR THOSE STICKERS YOU DICKS
welurklate: YOU ARE PAYING ME BACK!
balcarin: EMMETT YOU HAVE TO GO BUY ME NEW STICKERS
balcarin: RIGHT NOW!!!!
welurklate: COME ON, WE ARE TAKING THE JEEP
welurklate: I AM NOT KIDDING
balcarin: and emmett would be like OH HELL NO I AINT GOING IN THAT STORE
welurklate: I'LL TELL MOM

balcarin: i bet he went through a phase where he wanted to be a rock star instead of a pianist too
balcarin: like in the 80s
balcarin: IT'S AN ELECTRONIC KEYBOARD OKAY!!!!

welurklate: LOL ALSO - EDWARD SPENDS A LOT OF HIS NIGHTS CLEANING
balcarin: LIKE GROUT IN THE BATHROOM
balcarin: WITH A TOOTHBRUSH
balcarin: EVEN THOUGH NO ONE USES IT
welurklate: he's like hardcore with it too
welurklate: THIS IS GROSS, HOW DO WE LIVE LIKE THIS?
balcarin: like microscopic grit
welurklate: DISGUSTING
balcarin: i bet he did bella's bathroom too
balcarin: when he got tired of watching her sleep
welurklate: he has gloves and everything
welurklate: he gets in there all like scrubs shit
balcarin: and gets pissy if anyone touches his specially organised bucket
balcarin: WHO WAS TOUCHING MY CLEANING SUPPLIES???
welurklate: EMMETT, DO'T TOUCH MY WINDEX
welurklate: YOU USED ALL MY FEBREZE LAST WEEK AND I LET IT GO BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH
welurklate: I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN
balcarin: i bet jasper and emmett like pull all the TP off the roll and leave the cardboard just to annoy edward
welurklate: GUYS. YOU KNOW WE CAN'T EVER HAVE GUESTS IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP THINGS?
welurklate: I WOULD DIE IF SOMEONE CAME OVER RIGHT NOW AND HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM
welurklate: THEY WOULD THINK WE WERE PIGS
balcarin: and emmett and jasper just look at each other like DUDE HE NEEDS TO GET LAID

balcarin: i bet emmett tries to talk about masturbating
balcarin: and edward is like OMG EMMETT DO NOT BE CRUDE
welurklate: oh and he totally uses the word crude, you are right

balcarin: i bet they use his shampoo in the shower too
welurklate: emmett.we don't even have the same hair type!!!!
balcarin: emmett would pee in the shower if he could
balcarin: emmett probably leaves like pubes on edward's soap and shit

welurklate: I love how we have turned Edward into a 40 year old mother
welurklate: on a bad day

welurklate: edward calls FAMILY MEETINGS when emmett really pisses him off with that shit
welurklate: they have all to come and talk about their feelings
welurklate: EMMETT, I DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU RESPECT MY WANTS AND NEEDS AS A PERSON SOMETIMES
balcarin: ESME IS THE MODERATOR
balcarin: emmett thinks she unfairly favours edward
welurklate: AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS AT MY BEST BEHAVIOR WITH YOU
balcarin: JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANK ENOUGH IS NO REASON TO PUT UP WITH HIS PRISSINESS
welurklate: Emmett just like kicks back and is all IT'S FOR THE LULZ, EDWARD, STOP BEING A VAG
welurklate: Rosalie gets pissed within the first minute and has to walk out
balcarin: rosalie rolls her eyes so hard it would hurt if it could
welurklate: Alice tries to be kind to Edward...
balcarin: OH MY GOD GROW UP BOTH OF YOU. I WILL BE IN THE GARAGE.
welurklate: ROSALIE YOUR CONSTANT ATTITUDE DOES NOT HELP AT ALL EITHER
welurklate: AND JASPER, I FEEL LIKE YOU EGG HIM ON, YOU KNOW HOW HE IS
welurklate: I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH, YOU GUYS, I REALLY DON'T
balcarin: jasper would act innocent, all spreading his hands wide like WHAT COULD I DO
balcarin: emmett would get up and leave in the middle
balcarin: IT IS TIME FOR THE GAME, BRO
welurklate: Jasper would fuck with his mood too make him more pissy
balcarin: and edward would accuse him of this and just get pissier
welurklate: EMMETT I CAN READ YOUR MIND, AND THAT WAS VERY RUDE AND I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD TELL ME YOU ARE SORRY
welurklate: THERE IS NO NEED FOR THOSE TYPE OF WORDS, HONESTLY
balcarin: and then emmett would start screaming at the tv
balcarin: and it would all dissolve
balcarin: and edward would remain in impotent rage in the kitchen
welurklate: Esme would just like hug him and be all 'i'll talk to him, sweetie, you know he doesn't mean it'
balcarin: and edward would mutter something like THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T HURTFUL.
welurklate: NO MOM, HE DOES IT ALL THE TIME, AND HE KNOWS IT'S DISRESPECTFUL, HE KNOWS
balcarin: and esme would be like WHY DON'T YOU GO TRY OUT THAT NEW POTTERY WHEEL I BOUGHT?

welurklate: and that's how they have like 80 bowls they'll never use
balcarin: all lumpy and badly glazed
welurklate: I'M PERFECTING MY ART!!!!!
welurklate: WHAT ARE YOU DOING BESIDES BEING FILTHY?
balcarin: emmett will use them one day when he and jasper are pretending aliens are invading in the backyard and karate chop them to bits
balcarin: and edward will flip his shit
balcarin: NO RESPECT
balcarin: NO RESPECT!!!!
balcarin: THAT WAS ART!
balcarin: ART!!!
welurklate: oh that would be the shitfit for the ages
welurklate: EMERGENCY HOUSE MEETING!!!!!
welurklate: Edward would just walk outside and see it and start screaming for a meeting
welurklate: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT
welurklate: WELL I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING MISTER,
balcarin: DONT EVEN TRY TO SAY YOU DIDNT THINK ANYONE WAS USING THOSE, EMMETT
welurklate: YOU HAVE TAKEN IT TOO FAR
balcarin: I KNOW YOU KNEW THAT I MADE THOSE FOR ESME
welurklate: TOO FAR
welurklate: THOSE TOOK TIME AND HARD WORK
welurklate: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WORK ON SOMETHING?
welurklate: DO YOU?

balcarin: he'd go break something of emmett's
balcarin: in a pique of rage
balcarin: and then be really upset with himself
balcarin: and lock himself in his room
welurklate: FOR LIKE A WEEK
welurklate: I'M NEVER COMING OUT!!!
balcarin: AND EMMETT WOULD BE LIKE
balcarin: DUDE I DONT CARE I CAN BUY A NEW STEREO
balcarin: COME OUT, ESME IS CONCERNED
balcarin: BRO I REALLY DONT CARE
welurklate: Edward, no one is angry with you, please come out
balcarin: I AM ANGRY WITH MYSELF!!!!
balcarin: I LET MY CONTROL SLIP!!!
welurklate: Esme would make everyone go to his door and try to talk to him
balcarin: I AM A MONSTER!!!
welurklate: I LET YOU GET TO ME!!!!
balcarin: OH SHE TOTALLY WOULD
balcarin: EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES, DARLING!
balcarin: NO NEED TO BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT
welurklate: Rosalie would be like STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH AND GET OUT ALREADY
welurklate: ESME IS WORRIED
welurklate: AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE
welurklate: he'd just like turn up his music all I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!
balcarin: I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO STAY IN HERE FOREVER, ROSE
balcarin: I KNOWWWWW

welurklate: I THINK WE HAVE A NEW CANON
balcarin: EDWARD CULLEN IS THE PROBLEM CHILD
welurklate: he's EMOTIONAL, OK
welurklate: JUST BECAUSE HE HAS FEELINGS
welurklate: Alice is the only one who ~understands~ him

balcarin: I BET HE GOES SHOPPING WITH ALICE
balcarin: AND IS A PICKY LITTLE BITCH
balcarin: AND EMMETT IS LIKE BRO JUST BUY A SHIRT
balcarin: THE GAME IS ON A FOUR
balcarin: I GOTTA GET HOME FOR THE GAME
balcarin: and alice is like THEY LOSE
balcarin: AND EMMETT IS LIKE "fUCK YOU ALICE FUCK YOU"
welurklate: that is the one time emmett gets pissy
welurklate: he like storms out to bitch to rosalie
welurklate: who doesn't care
balcarin: he knocks over a whole dressing rack
balcarin: and they are asked to leave the store
welurklate: Edward is like WE CAN NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU!!!!
welurklate: HOW EMBARASSING!
balcarin: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT EMMETT
balcarin: WHY?????
welurklate: ARE YOU A CHILD?
balcarin: ITS ALICE'S FAULT, MAN. SHE CROSSED THE LINE.
welurklate: I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LOOK THROUGH THE DRESS SHIRTS
balcarin: SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP!
welurklate: IT REFLECTS BADLY ON ALL OF US WHEN YOU CARRY ON THIS WAY
balcarin: ALL YOU WEAR IS BEIGE ANYWAY EDWARD
balcarin: WHY DO YOU NEED MORE BEIGE SHIRTS
balcarin: THE FUCKING GAME MAN
balcarin: THAT SHIT IS IMPORTANT
balcarin: YOU KNOW THIS
welurklate: OH SO NOW WE ARE GETTING NASTY
balcarin: IF YOU WANT NASTY
balcarin: and then he'd jump edward in the parking lot
balcarin: and alice would be like PEOPLE ARE WATCHING KNOCK IT OFF EMMETT
welurklate: Edward gets all pissy and has to run home
welurklate: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE IN THE SAME CAR AS YOU RIGHT NOW
welurklate: I AM SICK OF IT

balcarin: emmett has to drive the volvo home and IT RUINS HIS STREET CRED TO DRIVE THIS PUSSY CAR
welurklate: Edward has it on like pussy rock
welurklate: and Emmett has to put on 50 cent
balcarin: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? NICKELBACK?
balcarin: he would like rip the stereo out
balcarin: and then get pissed cause he had no music
welurklate: and Edward gets all pissed off YOU ARE GOING TO BLOW OUT THE SPEAKERS!!!!!
balcarin: THIS MUSIC OFFENDS ME
balcarin: LISTEN TO HOW HE TALKS ABOUT WOMEN
welurklate: AND DRUGS ARE NOT COOL
welurklate: NOR IS SUCH VIOLENCE
balcarin: I CANNOT CONDONE YOUR MUSICAL CHOICE, EMMETT
welurklate: THIS IS THE WHY YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE, EMMETT, THIS MUSIC
balcarin: and emmett would be like OH SHUT UP EDWARD THIS SHIT IS FLY
balcarin: and crank it up more
welurklate: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN HEARD OF COLUMBINE?
welurklate: I BET THEY LISTENED TO THIS TYPE OF "MUSIC" AS WELL
welurklate: AND LOOKED HOW THAT TURNED OUT
balcarin: i bet he would like quote jay-z to edward A PUSSY HAVIN' NO GODDAMN SENSE
balcarin: and shit about STRONG ARMING A HO
balcarin: and edward would be like PLEASE, EMMETT! MY EARS!
welurklate: I CANNOT SPEAK TO YOU WHEN YOU CARRY ON LIKE THIS
balcarin: STOP THINKING ABOUT THOSE VILE MUSIC VIDEOS
welurklate: SO PLEASE STAY QUIET OR ELSE THERE WILL BE A PROBLEM
balcarin: NO I DONT THINK THAT IT IS ATTRACTIVE WHEN WOMEN SHAKE THEIR BEHINDS IN THAT MANNER
welurklate: I JUST TO WANT TO SCRAPBOOK TONIGHT, OK
welurklate: I FIND IT OFFENSIVE

balcarin: i bet he like periodically reorganizes his CD collection
balcarin: sometimes it is by colour, reverse alphabetical
welurklate: it's like a weeklong thing
welurklate: WHERE IS MY COUNTING CROWS?
balcarin: EMMETT DID YOU BORROW THIS WITHOUT ASKING
welurklate: I REALLY WISH EVERYONE WOULD ASK BEFORE USING MY CD'S
balcarin: OH MY GOD WHO CRACKED THE CASE ON MY CREED CD
balcarin: WHO DID THIS!!!!
balcarin: FESS UP
welurklate: YOU KNOW I DON'T MIND
balcarin: FESS UP!!!
welurklate: I SIMPLY REQUEST YOU ASK!!!
balcarin: IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR????
welurklate: DID YOU NOT THINK I'D NOTICE?
welurklate: AM I STUPID NOW?
balcarin: LOOK I CAN STOP LETTING YOU BORROW STUFF FROM ME!!
balcarin: and emmett is like PLEASE LIKE I WANT TO BORROW MUSIC FROM YOU
welurklate: WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU DO
welurklate: BECAUSE THERE IS NO MUSIC FAIRY TAKING THEM

balcarin: it's 3 am and he's vaccuming all the cars
welurklate: he gets super serious about it
balcarin: i bet he vaccums when emmett and rosalie are having sex

balcarin: emmett totes plays xbox in his underwear
balcarin: and he pwns edward
welurklate: Edward doesn't play
welurklate: like ever
balcarin: jasper and emmett love it though
welurklate: he likes ~classic~ games
balcarin: and edward is like too good for it
balcarin: THAT IS MINDLESS VIOLENCE!!!
balcarin: he announces and everyone stares at him like he is retarded
welurklate: IT KILLS YOUR BRAIN CELLS
balcarin: because THEY ARE VAMPIRES
balcarin: emmett has the hacks for grand theft auto
balcarin: and edward is SCANDALIZED
welurklate: CHESS IS SUCH A GRACEFUL GAME
balcarin: THIS GAME SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED
welurklate: WHY DON'T WE PLAY THAT?
balcarin: CHESS IS FOR QUEERS
balcarin: NO OFFENSE ALICE
welurklate: THESE YOUNG WOMEN HAVE OBVIOUSLY HAD A HARD LIFE
welurklate: SO THEY HAD TO SELL THEIR BODIES ON THE STREETS
balcarin: MUST YOU PISTOL WHIP EVERYONE, EMMETT?
welurklate: AND YOU KILL THEM?
balcarin: MUST YOU?
welurklate: AND THIS IS FUN?
welurklate: IT IS TRAGIC
balcarin: emmett like speaks in grunts when playing video games
welurklate: AND THIS MUSIC IS VILE
balcarin: HAVENT YOU BEATEN THIS GAME LIKE TWENTY TIMES?
welurklate: oh totally
balcarin: WHY DO YOU KEEP PLAYING IT
welurklate: he doesn't pay attention at all
welurklate: and Edward is just going off

balcarin: i bet edward plays solitare on the computer trying to beat his previous high score
balcarin: he keeps like a spreadsheet
balcarin: THIS COMPUTER'S ALGORITHMS CHEAT!!!!
welurklate: he fights with people on yahoo games
balcarin: i bet he's a scrabble nazi too
balcarin: THAT ISNT A WORD EMMETT
balcarin: TAKE IT OFF THE BOARD
welurklate: He like gets really pissed and throws the board across the room
welurklate: NO ONE IS RESPECTING THE GAME
welurklate: I AM GOING TO MY ROOM, GOODDAY, ALL OF YOU
welurklate: and slams the door
balcarin: suddenly they hear the dulcet sounds of death cab
balcarin: WELL I GUESS HE'S GOING TO BE UP THERE AWHILE
welurklate: Esme just sighs and shakes her head at emmett
welurklate: YOU KNOW HOW HE GETS
welurklate: WHY MUST YOU UPSET HIM?
balcarin: emmett is like THIS ISN'T MY FAULT. IF HE'D JUST LET OFF SOME STEAM...
welurklate: HE IS SENSITIVE.
balcarin: HE IS REPRESSED, MOTHER.
welurklate: it hurts him greatly when you say that, you know that right?
balcarin: ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LET HIM MOPE AROUND THE HOUSE FOR ANOTHER 100 YEARS?
balcarin: HOW MANY MORE SCRAPBOOKS DOES ONE FAMILY NEED?
welurklate: HE IS FINE, EMMETT. OK, YOU HAVE YOUR HOBBIES
balcarin: HE HAS A PROBLEM, MOM.
welurklate: NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT THEM.
welurklate: No go and try to make up with him
balcarin: SPORTS ARE A WAY OF LIFE, OKAY.
balcarin: FINE, BUT I WON'T MEAN IT AND HE'LL KNOW.
welurklate: like an hour later he'll come downstairs and not speak to anyone
balcarin: EDWARD ESME SAID I SHOULD SAY SORRY. SO SORRY. ALSO THIS MUSIC MAKES ME WANT TO DIE. AGAIN.
welurklate: just walk around
balcarin: glaring sulkily
welurklate: EDWARD DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?
balcarin: esme is the only one he will talk to
welurklate: OH NO EMMETT, NOT PROBLEM, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR MY CARLY SIMON CD..
welurklate: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS, WOULD YOU?

balcarin: i bet his closet is organized by colour and it is like WHITE TO BLACK with just beige and brown shades in between
welurklate: Alice helped him one weekend
balcarin: emmett would like put a hot pink shirt in to dick with edward
balcarin: WHO WAS IN MY CLOSET
balcarin: WHO TOUCHED MY CLOTHES
balcarin: WHOSE SHIRT IS THIS
welurklate: AGAIN, JUST DISRESPECT FOR MY BELONGINGS
balcarin: EMMETT I WILL SERIOUSLY PUNCTURE YOUR GAS TANK IF YOU DONT STOP TOUCHING MY THINGS!!!!
welurklate: IF ANY OF MY SHIRTS ARE STRECHED OUT, I AM NOT GOING TO BE PLEASED AT ALL
balcarin: YOU WILL FACE MY DEEPEST IRE
welurklate: OH AND IF YOU USE MY COLOR SAFE BLEACH AGAN WITHOUT ASKING, I AM TELLING MOM
welurklate: I'M NOT JOKING THIS TIME
balcarin: STOP USING MY CHLOROX PEN TO WRITE "DICK" ON MY BLACK UNDERWEAR
balcarin: edward totally wears briefs
welurklate: ARE WE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL?
welurklate: THAT IS THE ONLY TIME THIS HUMOR IS AT ALL FUNNY
balcarin: jasper is like trying not to giggle
balcarin: JASPER I KNOW YOU ARE LAUGHING.
welurklate: I CAN READ. YOUR. MIND.
welurklate: DOES EVERYONE FORGET THIS?
welurklate: OR DO YOU ALL JUST NOT CARE?
welurklate: DOES NO ONE CARE?
balcarin: I AM GOING TO MY ROOM!!!
welurklate: I feel like I'm trying to be better, but I CAN'T DO IT BY MYSELF, YOU GUYS
welurklate: ROSALIE, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE THE ROOM WHEN I AM SPEAKING IT IS RUDE
balcarin: DOES NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE HAVE ANY RESPECT? HAVENT YOU BEEN RAISED BETTER THAN THIS/
welurklate: are you all WILD DOGS?
welurklate: I expect this from HIM, but I am suprised at the rest of you, really
welurklate: and, frankly, a little hurt

balcarin: LOL CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM THE DAY HE MET BELLA
balcarin: COMING HOME ALL
balcarin: "I FOUND THE GIRL I AM GOING TO EAT MARRY!!!!
welurklate: I NEED TO LEAVE 4EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
balcarin: THIS IS A TRAVESTYYYYYYYY
balcarin: EVERYTHING I HAVE WORKED FOR
welurklate: DON'T STOP ME!! I ALMOST LOST CONTROL!!!!
balcarin: SHE SMELLED DELICIOUS. LIKE BACON.
balcarin: I ALMOST SAVAGED HER IN FRONT OF THE KIDS
welurklate: NO ONE HAS EVER FELT THIS WAY
balcarin: and emmett would just hear that
balcarin: and be like GOOD ON YOU EDWARD
welurklate: I AM NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN
welurklate: NO EMMETT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, THIS WAS AWFUL
balcarin: WHY? IS SHE UGLY?
balcarin: I MEAN SOMETIMES UGLY CHICKS ARE STILL GOOD IN BED

welurklate: and then they day after the meadow
welurklate: he comes home like skipping
welurklate: I AM IN LOOOOOVE
welurklate: LOVE LOVE LOVE
balcarin: rosalie would be like OMG I GET IT SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY JESUS EDWARD YOU WOULD THINK LOVE WAS JUST INVENTED BY YOU AND ONLY FOR YOU CHRIST
welurklate: EMMETT, I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS GIRL SEXUALLY, OUR CONNECTION IS FAR TOO DEEP FOR THAT
balcarin: OH WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BANG THE FUCK OUT OF HER DONT YOU
balcarin: and then he'd get really graphic
balcarin: and edward would get really pissy
balcarin: STOP IMAGINING IT
balcarin: EMMETT THAT IS WRONG
balcarin: OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT
balcarin: PEOPLE CANNOT DO THAT

welurklate: EDWARD IS LIKE 'THAT'S IT!!! I AM GOING TO HER HOUSE TO WATCH HER SLEEP!!!'
welurklate: Oh god, you know Emmett gave him so much shit for that
welurklate: the watching her sleep thing
balcarin: emmett would be like SUUUUUURE OKAY "SLEEP"
balcarin: THAT ISNT CREEPY
balcarin: OR STALKERY
balcarin: YOU ENJOY THAT, PERVERT
welurklate: ARE YOU FUCKING THIS GIRL WHILE SHE'S SLEEPING?
balcarin: EDWARD THAT ISNT COOL
balcarin: THAT'S RAPE, DUDE
welurklate: BECAUSE THAT IS WRONG EDWARD
welurklate: YOU ARE A GOOD LOOKING CAT
balcarin: LIKE I KNOW YOURE A VIRGIN AND SHIT
welurklate: YOU CAN GET SOME
balcarin: BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW: THERE ARE RULES
welurklate: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS
balcarin: DUDE DONT TELL ME YOU'RE SNIFFING HER DIRTY UNDERWEAR AND SHIT
balcarin: ARE YOU?
welurklate: WHY EMMETT! I HAVE NEVER, I SAY, THAT IS VILE
balcarin: CAUSE LIKE, I KNEW YOU HAD ISSUES, BUT...
balcarin: NO NEED TO GET SO BUTTHURT
balcarin: I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP
balcarin: SO THAT WAS A "YES"
balcarin: HEY EDWARD WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SHE'S ON THE RAG?
welurklate: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR LOVE!!!!
welurklate: and he runs off

balcarin: i bet bella used pads
balcarin: and edward was like UH CAN YOU SWITCH TO TAMPONS PLZ THANKS
welurklate: HE WOULD NEVER ASK HER TO DO THAT
welurklate: SHE WOULD BE UNPURE
balcarin: WELL ALICE WOULD
balcarin: SHE'D BE LIKE "UHM BELLA WE NEED TO CHAT"
balcarin: EDWARD IS TOO MUCH OF A GENTLEMAN TO SAY ANYTHING BUT AS YOUR FRIEND
balcarin: YOUR BESTEST BEST GIRL FRIEND
balcarin: I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BRING IT UP
balcarin: YOUR PERIOD MAKES HIM UNCOMFORTABLE. NO NO NO DON'T FEEL BAD!!!
balcarin: YOU CANT HELP IT
balcarin: BUT MAYBE IF YOU USED TAMPONS INSTEAD?
balcarin: I HEAR THEY ARE QUITE PAINLESS TO USE, VERY EASY!!!
balcarin: I GOT YOU LIKE FIVE DIFFERENT KINDS
balcarin: SO YOU CAN FIND ONE YOU LIKE
balcarin: and bella would just take them and be blushing and all mumbling embarassed like
balcarin: I MEAN YOU DONT HAVE TO USE THEM BELLA! IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE
balcarin: IT'S JUST HARD YOU KNOW? FOR HIM. SMELLING THE BLOOD. NOT THAT YOU SMELL!!!!


Read the follow-up here.

ETA: FOR EVERYONE ASKING ABOUT ICONS, PLEASE GO HERE.
Tags: books: my boyfriend sparkles, creative: growing up cullen, flist: kendra
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